Overrated! or, Beers I wouldn't buy

How to say "Douchey Beer" in Dutch?

Here at HH, we've devoted an inordinate amount of time to beer that we think you should try. Past favorites at the OS Brewery to see cybertime on HH include the Anderson Valley Summer Solstice; Erdinger's Weizen; Boulevard's Brettanomyces IPA; Founders' Double IPA; and more. Yes, we're lucky in this world: there is no shortage of beer worth drinking. Problem is, too many beers NOT worth drinking have found their way into the collective consciousness. Head to any "hip" club on a Friday night and, chances are, you'll find the clientele swilling Heineken's tasteless lager. Hit the beach with the fam or friends and you'll stumble across countless coolers filled with Corona's trademark watery pale pils. Join co-workers for a happy hour after closing the Big Deal, and Mike from Accounting will, with an entirely unearned air of wisdom, ask his barkeep for a Blue Moon.

Give Corona, BM and Heineken some credit: they've been able to brand themselves in a way few other beers have done. We're to the point where Heineken really is synonymous with the club; where Corona is the beach; where BM is the corporate gathering. It's a damn shame that people with enough disposible income are throwing away their money on beer with roughly the same amount of "taste" as a big-box American-style pilsner, but it's also a testament to the ad campaigns waged on behalf of these beers. The beauty of a Heineken (for Heineken) is that it's practically the same beer as a Budweiser; yet, people at the club will, without batting an eye, spend three extra dollars for it.

But, wise readers may ask, won't people RECOGNIZE that Heineken has about the same effect on the palate as a Miller Lite? And, once this happens, won't they laugh at the notion of paying $8 for a bottle of it at Love or Felix or 18th Street Lounge? Well, this hasn't happened; Heineken is as popular as ever. It astounds me to think that, for the price a bro will pay for a single Heine, he could have an Allagash White AND a Brooklyn Choc Stout at my bar. Yes, part of the (absurd) cost of the Heineken is a reflection of the fact that you're also paying for the "privilege" of being in one of those clubs; it's still, IMHO, a huge rip-off, no matter which way you look at it. (Esp. considering you've already paid a cover AND possibly paid to have them look after your jacket or coat AND probably paid for the drinks of other eligible singles in the hopes of taking them home, so that by the time you get around to buying yourself a Heineken, you're $40 shorter and exponentially more frustrated with that bouncer who kept you in line so the three ladies behind you could get in. These are just a few of the reasons your faithful blogger doesn't go to clubs.)

It's unreasonable to think that someone who goes to Love or Felix or the Lounge would want to order an Allagash White; AW deserves a lovely tulip glass, a warm summer evening, and a relaxing conversation with a friend. Still, there are plenty of beers you could theoretically order for less than a Heineken, all of which are considerably tastier. Here are a few possibilities:

Brooklyn Lager. If you're craving that smooth, lager flavor, why not spring for a BKL? More complex than Heineken, bottles tend to sell for around $4. (Or, if not available, consider a Scrimshaw Pils or a Lagunitas Pils.)

What drinking a BKL says about you: You have at least a passing familiarity with good beer; you're probably an urbanite with a decent job; you appreciate a good lager. All good signals to the opposite sex.

GET SOME!

Bells Oberon. Bells has great name recognition for a microbrewery; Oberon, besides the Two-Hearted Pale, has the best track record of their beers for its distribution size. Lemony and sweet, and about $5 a bottle, it looks great on a patio or poolside.

What drinking an Oberon says about you: You're a summery person; you like the outdoors, or at least the idea of it; and you appreciate a GOOD wheat beer (NOT BLUE MOON). Again, all positive things. See where I'm going with this?

Sierra Nevada Pale. Sierra is pretty played out by this point, but at least it's not a Heineken.

What drinking a SNP says about you: You understand, at a minimum, that there are beers besides Heineken and Bud. This may or may not reflect a curiosity and/or worldliness that people tend to find intriguing and, if you're lucky, arousing.

Guinness. People rag on Guinness for being so popular, but really, it's deserved: Guinness is a dry, smooth, elegant beer with great roasted caramel and coal notes. A great breakfast beer, too. (For you college kids out there.)

What drinking a Guinness says about you: You appreciate a good, long pour, which may or may not reflect a patient character.

New Brew-Ku:

Saw some bro drinking
A Blue Moon. Hope he knows how
Lame he looks right now.

Till tomorrow, y'all.

HH

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Beer Snob Rant / Boulevard Brewing

I’m not exactly sure the moment I became a beer snob, or what that really means, but the signs are pervasive and I have difficulty hiding it. I have no problem telling the smug, self-righteous med student that Sam Adams is, in fact, one of the most overrated beverage producers on this planet, and that Blue Moon is possibly the worst wheat beer I have ever allowed to contribute, ever so little, to my eventual drunkenness. Don’t get me wrong, I got no problem with killing a 12-pack of Natty Boh or throwing in $2 for anything in a can at the Red Derby, I just hate the schmuck who is outraged that the bar only carries the king of beers and he can’t ride his goddamn silver-bullet-sh*t-train

To be fair, I spent the first seven years of my drinking career consuming the same crappy light American lager that they label 500 different ways; all pretty much tasteless, but easy as hell to drink and cheap. Wheat beers were my first excursion, also subtle in flavor, easy to drink, but just a bit tastier. Being in the Midwest at the time, that beer of course was Boulevard Wheat (on their web they claim it to be “the best-selling craft beer in the Midwest.” Perhaps they are defining the Midwest as Kansas and Missouri, but maybe not). It pales in comparison to its east-coast equivalent, Allagash White, a far more complex and spicy beer, but it is nonetheless worth trying.

On my final visit to St. Louis, hopefully ever, I stumbled upon an entire new line of beers from Boulevard called the “Smokestack Series.” I didn’t think much of it, as I was more impressed with the store’s Belgian collection, until I noticed a Smokestack Series Saison-Brett. I fell in love with Brettanomyces yeast while drinking lambics and geuzes on a recent trip to Belgium (along with BB), and subsequently when I discovered American Wild Pale Ales such as Allagash’s Confluence and Gargamel and Victory’s Wild Devil (all very good but Gargamel is the best. Too bad you can only buy it at the brewery). I was impressed that Boulevard was using Brett in their beer, and I decided to bring back all six Smokestack Series beers for a HH review. They include: Double-Wide IPA, Imperial Stout, Long Strange Tripel, The Sixth Glass Quadrupel, Saison, and Saison-Brett. Boulevard doesn’t make it to the right side of the Mississippi, so HH is here to let you know what you’re missing. Reviews to come (as soon as the OSB brewers have time to kill six 750s)…